My Immortal: Commentated
by agirlwithstoriestotell
Summary: Silver-Echos and Dheylicious offer their commentary on the infamous Harry Potter fanfic for your amusement. Rated T for terrifying grammar issues. If you are a "goff," don't read. We would prefer to not be mauled by a Tara-lover.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, readers. **

**My friend Dheylicious (Ariana) **_**Fuck Yesh**_** and I (Katie) will be doing a commentary of the infamous terrible fanfic, My Immortal. Because everyone enjoys laughter XD.**

**My comments will be in bold. Ariana's will be in **_**italic bold**_**.**

**So, without further ado, we bring you My Immortal: Commentated. **_**Good luck, you poor fools :'C**_

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **Yes, I get it. Yes, it's stupid. **_**Agreed. **_2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Because we all automatically assume your a lesbian. Pointing it out though, makes me think you are. **_**HAHA, I love you Katie(: **_raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **She never helps. FYI. **_**If she did, then maybe my head would stop getting all these migranes... **_U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness **Darn-ness **Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Yes, I'm sure you were born with butt-length black hair. **_**Yeah! Like, what if she was born bald? Would she be 'Baldy?' **_purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Um, ew. **_**What does this have to do with the story? And what would you do if he was your brother? -Shudders- **_I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. _**C'mon! Canines are cool! **_I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **That sounds so fashionable. And why are you wearing white foundation if you have white skin? **_**I'm scared... **_I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **I'm sure it was. NOT. **_**Isn't that called sleet? **_**Sleet is just really cold rain. **so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. **Cross your fingers that she burns to a crisp on sunny day... **A lot of preps stared at me. **I'd stare at a creepy girl, too. **I put up my middle finger at them. _**Solving all of today's problems...**_

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!** You needed to drag that out? **_**DUN DUN DUUUN.**_

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Malfoy is not shy. He is a hot, sexy god. **_**Yeah... what Katie said...**_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Or you could say bye... **_**WOWZA! That was quick. Then again, she did rudely leave...**_

_AN: IS it good? _**NO. **_**And it'll never be... **__PLZ tell me fangz! _

**SO, if you survived the first chapter, you can probably make it through the rest of the story. Maybe. **_**I did, and that takes some serious skill. **_**I reccomend hiding anything that can be easily grabbed to bust a computer screen with.**

_**WE ARE WARNING YOU! IT GETS WORSE FROM HERE! I WOULD KNOW! Please stop for breaks or even STOP READING THIS if you are experiencing headaches, eye-aches, nausea, insanity (unless it's the kind you already have, if you do **_**[Like Ariana ;)] **_**), bleeding eyes, loss of hope for humanity, or even the cells in your brain committing suicide. **_

**Fastem your seatbelts for chapter 2, we'll be updating on my profile soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, everyone. After much torture, brain fizzing, and me having to turn off Spell Check on my computer before it exploded, we have finished our commentary on Chapter 2. **_**We are that amazing. **_

**Remember that though we are only commentating on this, we still love reviews! And check out our other stories and review. E-cookies to all of you. **_**Yum(:**_

**Reminder: I, Katie will be in bold. Ariana is **_**italic bold. Because I'm amazing like that. **_

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **Please stop saying fangz before I stab you with one. **_**Or even get Fang and he'll use his sarcasm against you...BAM!**_

Chapter 2.  
>AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da <strong>How hard is it to write out THE instead of da? <strong>_**Unless she's part Russian, da? But I doubt it. She's probably from Brooklyn :P **_chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! _**NEVER! MUAHAHAHA!**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Oh, I thought you would be at the bottom of the Black Lake. **_**That'd be so cool! Get the Gillyweed, QUICK! **_It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **You can get a six-pack of it at Walmart. **_**At a low price**_**! **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **What happened to the beds? **I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, **Where do you get a leather dress? And seriously, that can't be comfortable. **_**I think that violates the dress code. Big time**_**. **a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **She woke up, grinned at you, and flipped her hair with her eyes closed? **_**I can imagine somebody waking up and smiling at me with a creepy grin and eyes closed...now my dreams shall be forever haunted. Thanks a lot. **_She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) "OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **I totally hear her saying it sixth grade girl style... "OMG! I saw you, like, talking to Draco yesterday! He's soooo cute!" **_**LIKE, OMG OMG OMG! I DON'T CARE, NOW MOVE ON WITH THE GODDAMN STORY!**_  
>"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. "Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.<br>"No I so fucking don't!" **Can I have him then? Once I un-brainwash his gothness. **I shouted. "Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.  
>"Hi." he said.<br>"Hi." I replied flirtily. " **Busted. **_**Ooooh. **_Guess what." he said. "What?" I asked.  
>"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. <strong>They're Muggles, how the platypus do they get to Hogsmeade? <strong>_**I have no idea...where is the Ministry Of Magic when you need them? Can't have muggles lying about! **_"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.  
>"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. I gasped. <strong>He didn't propose. You sound like a sixth grader going on a first date gasping. <strong>_**LE GASP, I think another one of my cells just died! TIMMMMMMY! I will avenge you :'C**_

_**Please respect Timmy by giving him a moment of silence. RIP.**_

**Bless his little soul.**

**Congrats, you've finished chapter 2! **  
><strong>Remember to review, we love reviews!<strong>

**Now I will leave you all to go back to my chicken pot pie.**

**yum.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So, it's time for an apology. I haven't updated this since September , because I have an insanely busy schedule and Ariana as an amazing person and put up with me. We still got lots of subscribers through the months and some good reviews, and favorite storyied , so thank you everyone for that! *mwah* **

_**Ariana's comments in italic bold**_

**Katie's are in regular bold.**

**As usual. _Be sure to memorize this because Katie is going to stop reminding you ducklings. _It's true, I'm gonna get bored typing this every time. **

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING **Flamming reminds me of flan. I love flan. I want some flan right now. **DA STORY PREPZ OK!odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN!oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **She can't even spell her favorite band's name correctly. **_**HA!**_

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. _**Dude, not cool...you don't write stuff like that so casually... **_I read a depressing book **Ten bucks it was ****The Notebook****. Or The Magic School Bus. That always makes me cry as I imagine a school bus floating through my arteries. **while I waited for it to stop bleeding **That would be like, five hours, since you slashed a gash in a place with major veins. **and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black **As your wrist was bleeding everywhere... **and put on TONS of black eyeliner. _**Eyeliner scares me. I always think I'm going to poke my eye out. **_Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway._**You did in chapter one...**_ I drank some human blood _**Yummy. Sure hits the spot. **_**I prefer armadillo blood, personally. **so I was ready to go to the concert. I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. _**Epic. **_He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!) _**Katie, remember the time last year where for Halloween, a boy cross-dressed? I don't know why this reminded me of that. Probably because that kid wore make up and waxed his legs..**_ **I'm remembering when in sixth grade, we had an Egyptian day and all the boys put on mascara and eyeliner. Then all the girls had to help them put it on. Which was weird. **"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. _**I'm sososo confused. Why the exclamation point when it's said in a depressed way? Another cell just died. Poor Robert ): **_"Hi Ebony." he said back. **Enthusiasm, there. He so clearly is excited for this date. **We walked into his flying black w (the license plate said 666 _**AND now I'm scared.**_) and flew to the place with the concert. _**WHEEEE!**_

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. _**DON'T DO DRUGS! **_**Unless it's Pixie Stix or roller coasters. Sugar and adrenaline are epic drugs. **When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. _**WHEEE**_**. Without landing. Hope she has a parachute stuffed away in her boots.** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. "You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom

She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). "Joel is so fucking hot." **What every girl says on a date with a guy she likes. **I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. Suddenly Draco looked sad. **…I wonder why...**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?"_**No. **_asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. _**Lolwhut? O.o**_

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. _**How is a face blond? So confused...**_ **Maybe she has a blonde beard that only goffs can see. **The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, **It must have been really hard to open the doors when you're on your hands and knees on the ground.** but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! _**DUN DUN DUN! -drum roll-**_

_**First Timmy. Now ROBERT? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME TARA? **_

**Note of warning... the next chapter has bad sex scenes.**

**Review! We love reviews!**


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